Social rituals and motherhood

Today I got up at 1.30am for the first feed, got her back to sleep quickly (less quickly for me), the next feed / nappy change / swaddle / bop dance at 3am, co-sleep 4 to 7am, up for cuddle with 3 year old and toothbrush dance, nappy change, breakfast, play, everyone dressed (lol), another feed 8.30am.

Childcare drop 9.30am, forgot hat, home baby asleep in arms not interested in being put down 10.30 am, doctor call, invoice paid, cleaner google (god help us) - one handed, dad visit to bring in the bins, help with garden, tidy floor for vacuum, washing on, 12pm baby wants play / moving / smiling! Gurgling - feed, nappy, famished.

Bored yet. Me too.

Thank god for this frozen nutritious meal in the freezer when hands are tied cradling a small one and the teal urge to dig for the stale cheesels (obviously equally delicious). As Lucy Jones notes in Matrescence - and as we all know too well - there’s a significant absence of ritual and strong rites of passages in our Western (neo-lib) cultures.

We don’t have the changing of a person’s name once they give birth, the 40 days at home for postnatal recovery, the binding of the stomach, the moving in of family for postnatal care, the blessed recipes prepared for lactation and this time alone.

Low hanging fruit, we have a baby shower / gender announcement party (hm), the social media announcement post perhaps, the incredible flourish of gifts (which I of course love and will never tire of) annnnd drum roll - we have the good old meal train.

Even when I moved interstate away from my social supports, they rallied and prepared a voucher for meal deliveries - that with my current freezer of hella organised goods, and my parents helping to stock our supplies each week - I wouldn’t need! Wrong.

I have needed so bad. As my friend said over the weekend with her strong willed 4 year old ripping past - it’s the small touches of luxury that are important. For her the cloth napkins she’s now using for meals.

For me today, the putting down of Vegemite on toast for something that will satiate and feed. That’s what the meal train ritual gave me today.

Hope we nurture the beauty rituals we’ve got and reinstate more for the m/others of tomorrow.